The Beautiful Mistake
by Iheartwriting1
Summary: While training for the Dauntless army, Tris discovers that she is pregnant. And if that wasn't enough, her relationship with Tobias is rocky, since he is stressed out about fighting the war, that's going on - Huge demonstrations, people leaving their factions illegally. When Tris gets to see how bad it really is, she and Tobias seek help in Amity...
1. A different kind of test

_**Tris' POV:**_

_Two lines? No, it can't be… I can't be. _ I squeeze the stick so hard between my hands that they begin to shake along with body. The sound of water dripping, probably from one of the taps, messes my mind even more op as I am feeling trapped inside a horror movie - my worst nightmare. _Wake up, Beatrice! _I wish it was a dream. I wish that in a few moments, Christina would wake me up with her 'lovely' shouting and the only thing I would have to worry about was morning war-training. I close my eyes, when tears start to string in them. I hardly ever cry, but the shock is overwhelming at 3 AM, alone, freezing and terrified… Suddenly my mother's warm voice runs through my head as a memory_: "Are you nervous?" _ My lips can only form the words: _"I'm terrified," Oh, why isn't she here with me? I needed her before and now more than ever… _The sound of footsteps on the concrete floors in the halls makes me stiffen nervously, while I listen to someone walking in and right after, past the stall, where I'm standing, frozen. It's first when I start to breathe heavily, I decide to hide the test among the other trash in the garbage bin, flush the toilet and walk out of the stall, trying to act like I was just doing, what you are supposed to do in the bathroom. _Thank the gods!_ It's Christina, looking weirdly awake considering that it must be 3.30 AM by now. "Tris?" she asks and looks over her shoulder, while in the middle of washing her hands. I nod casually, fearing that if I try to speak just a single word; my voice will crack due to the shock. She looks at me continuously as I turn on the water and rinse the sweat off of my hands. "Chris," I whisper, because I know that she isn't going to stop analyzing me, if I don't give her a proper answer. The voice that came out of my throat was obviously full of tears and panic. Hopefully, she doesn't notice, that I am sweating a bit. "Why are you up?" she asks stupidly, not looking at me. "I had to go to the bathroom," _Even that sounds shaky. _I can feel that she takes a good, analyzing look at me, before she suspiciously answers: "You know that you're a terrible liar, right?" I decide to ignore it, and walk out into the hallway instead. It's so hard, trying not to break down in frustration. _Pregnant. That test says I'm pregnant._


	2. This makes me sick

*Two weeks later*

_I took two more test later that same week out of anxiety, both very early in the morning where even Christina had gone back to sleep after her nightly visits to the bathroom, and like I almost expected: two times positive. How could this happen after a couple of…? I didn't even think about it. Me, Tris Prior, who always overthinks: even stuff that most people don't care for. My erudite side, perhaps? Something still doesn't make any sense. Symptoms are missing, which is also a big part of why I took those other tests. But I'm still late, and there are still two lines…_

In the morning, I normally always walk alongside Christina and Will to breakfast, but I am horrified to find out that my alarm-clock has been obviously sabotaged by someone, and from previous experience I know that it can only be Peter, who has so little respect for me and my work. I don't think I have ever gotten dressed so fast, since us dauntless are bound to wear uncomfortable, leather pants. This is also the first time in months, where I've had to show up at the table in Christina's apartment with undone hair and a face cleared from makeup.

"I was thinking about heading over to wake you up," Christina mumbles with the last piece of whole-grain bread in her mouth.

"Then why didn't you?" that comes out angrier than I planned it in my head, and she looks at me like I just said something understandable.

"I had to go and slap Will first. Besides it is 6.40" _Slap Will? _

"What in the world is going on between you two? It's getting odd," my legs drag me to the nearest chair, then my hands take over and place a piece of bread on the plate.

"Long story, but the short version could sound something like this: he is pissed about the incident with Uriah,"

Last Thursday, Uriah supposedly hit on her in the middle of them being tutored by Eric and Tobias, because Christina wanted to work with next year's transfers, and Uriah was getting shooting-training in the same room. The whole situation sounds much like something Peter could come up with easily, but Tobias says that since he had been guarding the fence for a month straight, maybe it wasn't very possible.

"Wouldn't you be?" The words escape my mouth before I have even run over the possibility of the fact that Will's pissy mood may have caught Christina, and as expected she gives me a short death-glare as I scuff down the last bit of my breakfast.

Before leaving the apartment, I put my hair up in a ponytail so tight that it might give me a headache after a few hours, but I can't train effectively with loose hair flying all over the place. Like every other day, I tell her goodbye looking purposefully towards The Pit.

Every Dauntless, who decides to enter the soldier-training program, has to go through three tough all begins with 8 months of physical training, including fighting, knife-throwing and shooting, which is pretty much just repetition, but at least it's a little harder.

When you finish those months, it's 4 months of war training. I thought that this was going to be like that capture-the-flag game we played during initiation, but no: Real guns, targets, a whole lot of running and strategy.

Then you get a month by the fence with some weird dudes, who practically don't tell you anything relevant, all a waste of time if you ask me.

The last 9 months is a mix of simulations and more physical training. Peter has just finished his month at the fence, so now he's going to be in my face every day, all day again. Hell yeah, I'm looking forward to it…

I had to pinch myself to hold back from laughing, when I saw Peter's reaction to me walking into The Pit (almost) on time.

"Hey Tris! Wanna fight?" Uriah yells from across, and for a moment, it makes me take my eyes off of Peter and his stunned expression.

I shake my head and try to grin at him, but somehow exhaustion has me dreading anything too hard right now, even though I'm completely aware that I have to do it anyway later, since you don't just simply escape a part of training in Dauntless - no sloth allowed under education or anywhere else. That, I have known forever, and sometimes, I wish it wasn't like that - I wish to just forget it all - to live as the Divergent I am and will always be… No matter what.

The first couple hours of training go very well and as expected from my trainer: Zeke. My program is normally challenging, but lately I have gotten used to putting that amount of pressure on myself. Today, my body is not having it: every time I punch or kick the bag, my stomach wrenches in pain, still I keep on pushing myself.

_There's nothing to worry about. I haven't thrown up in years_.

But within the next fifteen minutes, my balance starts to bother me as I get extremely dizzy to the point, where I have to steady my head, because I can no longer focus. The pain cuts through me again so abruptly that I almost hit the floor.

_Punch, pain… Kick, pain…_

When the worst nausea I have ever had, begins, I realize that I won't be able to finish the program, and I stop trying to fight the red bag.

"Tris? What's wrong?" Zeke's voice sounds weirdly low despite the fact that he is most likely standing right by me. One of my hands is placed on my stomach, which keeps on wrenching warningly, and the other is covering my mouth. _Acid refluxes? You have got to be kidding me. _

I can feel Zeke's worry, but I don't get answer him, before I run towards the restrooms…


	3. Wanted? Busted?

The pain caused stomach-wrenching vanishes along with my breakfast in the toilet-flush - it makes me feel empty, and for a moment, it's almost like being in Abnegation, where I used to eat two meals a day, feeding the rest to the Factionless. Then shortly after arrives a new kind of pain, which I know much better: anxiety. The thought of having a second pregnancy-symptom already, frightens me, cause' the more I have, the less I can keep allowing myself to ignore the results, three tests gave me. I shiver and tears follow sneakily, this time not only making my vision blurry but for once, they truly escape and they keep running till I believe they are unstoppable. _Why am I crying because of this? Be brave, Tris. Don't cry. You do not have time to feel sorry for yourself, not in this world. _I bite my lip hard and let a raspy sob go from my throat, where I'd been holding it. With my fingers, I dry the tears off of my face and bring a piece of toilet paper out of the stall. I use the paper to quickly remove the makeup under my eyes - Luckily it's just a little bit from yesterday. Before stepping out of the restroom door, I make sure that I can control my voice.

At lunch I share a table with Marlene, Christina, Will, Peter and Drew. _Why do the tables fit so many people? Someone tell me… _

"You should've seen me shoot today," Will says to Christina, hitting her teasingly on the shoulder with a flirty look dominating in his eyes. Maybe he had already forgiven her for slapping him across the face this morning? It wouldn't surprise me, if that was the case, I mean, they had such a easy-going relationship. Oh dear, I wish mine was more like that, but Tobias and I often disagree or have those big fights, where we don't speak to each other for hours afterwards. Christina and Will are perfectly matched, maybe that's not the case with Tobias and I. The thought almost brings me out of reality. _I love him, I do. I just don't know, if we'll always love __each other. _ The next sound I hear is Christina giggling, and it brings a small smile to my face. _She is happy, and that matters. _"Tris? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Zeke has placed a hand on my shoulder from behind.Without nodding or saying anything to my friends, I leave the table and my plate with uneaten food, but as I follow him, I do look shortly, only to meet Tobias' eyes - _he had been staring at me this whole time. _

He brings me into his office, and now I know that he wants to talk to me about something serious - _something he doesn't want any of the others to hear. _ "What happened during training earlier?" His voice is uncomfortably worried. Almost like a brother, father or mentor. I don't know what to tell him, how to lie and how to make it sound true, when I am completely powerless and somehow my mind decides to give him a part of the truth: "I got sick, but it's just stress, all I need is sleep," I say with my hands shaking between my thighs. He doesn't nod, which means that he doesn't believe me. I scream internally, hoping that there's some way for me to escape from this office, that isn't quite making me comfortable. It feels like a hearing, but on the other hand: maybe it _is. _ "I want you to think of your future. If you don't push yourself to the breaking point, you're not going to make it here, since the competition is at least as tough as last time," _This isn't initiation, and I'm not weak, I'm just pregnant. Just pregnant? _It sounds sick to say, because it is, and I can't do anything about it now."I push myself as hard as possible, Zeke. I threw up, remember? Excuse me," I pretend to be insulted, when in reality, I'm exhausted and nervous. He lets me leave with a warning about removing me from the team, and that adds to the list of reasons why this is turning out to be the worst day ever.


	4. The devil within

Ever since I threw up, the feeling of pregnancy has hit me like a wrecking ball out of nowhere, which makes guilt creep through me as I train late at night in almost pitch darkness, alone but focused. Zeke told me that I had to finish - that I had to be strong, instead of vulnerable like I used to. That's a part of why my choice was Tobias: because he never saw me as a weak, little girl from Abnegation despite of how everyone else thought of me. _I shouldn't be doing this. I should be relaxing right now. _Oh boy, if my mother was here, she would kill me for not thinking about the baby, and my father would join her since he wouldn't think the best of me, if he found out that the father was an older guy - my initiation instructor. My parents loved me - they proved that, but they definitely let me know if I ever did something unacceptable. Even though I have been in Dauntless for three years now, and the selfless side of me was slowly fading, it came to the surface once again this afternoon.

I force myself to stop the ongoing guilt and thought, so I can focus completely on beating the red punching bag till my knuckles get bruised and almost match the color of the bag.

"Hey Stiff! Maybe you should take it easy, huh?" His cold voice cuts right through my spine and into the veins, making my blood freeze. _Peter. _

At first, I pretend I was too busy training to take notice of him, but then he strikes once more, even colder and more gleeful: "You got sick, remember that?" The hollow sound of his footsteps on the concrete floor come nearer, and soon I can feel him standing right behind me, staring at the new tattoo placed right in the center of my neck: _bravery. _

"How did you get that information?" I spit the words out like poison, still punching the bag, though with a force caused by the growing anger.

"I tend to just know things," given that's all he says, makes me think that he would've been great in a corrupt faction like Erudite, valuing nothing but undeserved power.

As if he was not provoking enough, he decides to drag himself right in front of the punching bag. It's unbelievable that he isn't just a little bit aware of what I'm capable of after all I've put him through. I'm tempted to punch him in the face, but I'm not stupid: the most ignorant thing I can do at the end of training is to beat someone up.

My eyes shine with rage as he says: "Did you know that some pregnancy tests have been stolen from the hospital cabinet according to Molly? She counts the items in there," I nearly drop my face in the floor, and I must control myself incredibly much to not pull a shocked expression. Instead I remain cold, putting on a bored attitude right on time.

"Why should I care about that?" I cross my arms to give an impression of impatience, but all he does is just smile sneakily at me.

"Well, I just thought that since you're in a relationship with an older man…"

"Ha! Are you kidding me? No way. I don't do that _thing_, and besides why would I take three without…" I realize it as soon as I've said it, but it's already too late.

Peter narrows his eyes, analyzing my shocked expression, then his mouth opens in some sort of disbelieve: "I didn't tell you that there were three missing… I knew it!" he bursts out and my stomach sinks. _Great, now the devil knows. Why be so stupid? _I guess I was so busy with trying to sound convincing that I made a really bad mistake. Of course: He was Candor and he knows when, how and why people lie.

"What do you want?" I'm furious but do not yell, since that would lead wrong people to the room, where they could easily find out too. Peter stops his gloating and humiliations, when he realizes that I just want him off my back.

"I want you to leave Dauntless," he says like it's a low price to pay. _He'll take everything to be the best. _

_I realize I've never prejudged him._


	5. Taste of revenge

I stand frozen for a second, but then I face the truth: _this is not a nightmare, I won't wake up, he knows and therefore I have to make a decision._

"Just before the simulations start," he adds like that makes it any less cruel. It doesn't surprise me, since Peter has always been worse than me when it comes to facing fears. He wants to be placed first for once, and if he gets placed first, he gets the best job.

"I will tell everyone if you don't do as I tell you to," he hisses, standing so close to my face that our noses almost touch. He's impatient, desperate. Instead of begging, he just chooses to threaten me even more with what he knows, hurts me the most: "And I mean _everyone_: Eric, Christina, Will, Zeke and… _Four_," Now, he officially makes me sick. _Don't be intimidated by him. Don't show emotion - that's by far the best way to survive here, _I dig Tobias' words up from my memory, hoping they will help me _ruin _him like that little boy he truly is and has been all his life. Sympathy doesn't have a place in his heart. I wonder how he would feel if I threatened to take his friends? Can you call Drew and Molly friends? They're more like a gang to me.

"Get out of my face, loser. Oh lord, Eric trained you well, so congratulations - you now have the title: Evil Manipulator. I know, it's well deserved and that you for sure will appreciate it, because let's face it: who wouldn't want to be hated by everyone?" I make sure to keep looking at him the same way, he looks at me so I don't seem scared or defeated. _Don't ever give him the happiness of seeing you weak - that makes him stronger. _Tobias was right. He had so much fun humiliating me for being pregnant that he almost forgot _his own_ dignity.

I barely register his rage before I have to block the punch directed towards my stomach. Heat rises to my face with a feeling of fury.

"If you touch my abdomen, I will kill you!" I yell at him, tears welling up in my eyes - not of sadness but of anger. He tries to kick my legs, but I am way faster than he is and gets a good grip around his ankle, which I twist, making him wince in pain. His balance almost fails as he pulls the leg back. When he has restored his lost energy, he succeeds in jabbing my throat to thereafter pull my hair. I hear that it may be harder for him to fight me than he thought, cause' he's out of breath. While he pulls my hair, I kick his ankles and try to step on his feet. _Maybe that will work. Why didn't I think of this? I am not going to win this_, but then he loosens the grip on my hair a little due to the pain, so my instinct tells me to keep kicking like a crazy horse. Somehow the pain eventually gets overwhelming, and he lets go. _Time for the greatest comeback this world has ever seen!_ I am filled to the top with adrenaline and anger. This will be bad for him. I slap him right across the face, but before I can do more to make him pay, someone grabs me by the wrists from behind and pulls me back hard.

"Prior! Are you out of your mind?!" Eric yells at me.

"LET ME GO! LET GO OF ME!" I scream, my cheeks burning red. He doesn't have trouble holding me back.

Peter has regained energy once again. Just as he is about to start beating me again, and Eric is about to let him, Tobias shows up to grab him the same way Eric grabbed me.

"What's wrong with you, Hayes? Beating Tris? She will defeat you any time," Tobias hisses, and Eric quickly sends him a death-glare.

"The last thing we needed right now was someone getting into a fight here - like we don't work enough outside of this compound," Tobias says, making me feel embarrassed and guilty.

A little over a month ago, the whole society went crazy, almost insane. For as long, as I can remember, only one faction has formed the government, but recently Abnegation had to be replaced by 'lovely' Erudite, that still thought Abnegation was corrupt, keeping all the goods to themselves, even though it was the straight opposite. Then Erudite decided it would be a great idea for them to change some of our rights and so on - I don't really remember which ones, since I have never been the political type. The big deal was that in angry response, people started to become factionless or join another faction illegally to provoke the system, and Jeanine thinks that violence is the way out of conflict - they key to a _safe _society, therefore she started to hit back with force. That was not _smart._ Now it's the Dauntless' job to stop the fighting, demonstrations and killings. Both Tobias and Eric fight daily, but it doesn't seem to get any better at all. I want to help badly. That's why, it's so important for me to get this training done good. _It's when you act selfless that you're the bravest. _

Tobias stares at me before finally asking Eric to let go of my wrists, which are now sore.

"What was that all about?" he whispers to me, as we walk to his apartment, the rising sun painting the sky behind us orange, pink and violet.

_We haven't talked, since the fight_. I don't know what to say for a while, because I am aware that I have to lie, and that it won't be a good way to mend our relationship.

"He tried to blackmail me," I croak, knowing what he will ask next. I am left wondering, how I would cover this up.

He stops to look at me, not stolen this time but very real. The look turns into an uncomfortable stare.

"How? I mean: about what?"

"You will find out eventually," I say.

He sighs as he sits down on his bed after closing the door behind us.

"I'm tired, Tris. I do not have time for this," now, I feel bad for him: the chaos caused by the fighting is roaming the streets, and he doesn't feel like there's any way out of it. He doesn't think he will ever be able to relax again. That makes me not want to tell him the truth even more, knowing how much extra stress it will put on him. Stress, he never deserved. Then, I notice something about him: he is wounded. Bandage has been tied around his right shoulder blade. My eyes widen. "It's really bad out there," I have never heard him talk like this before: he sounds defeated, terrified. The vision shocks me for a moment, while something inside me breaks. My heart.

Anger is building up inside my body extremely fast. Now, I can't tell Tobias, what's going on, and just the fact that this war is messing him up, makes me see red.

_Jeanine Matthews, you will pay for this. _


	6. Worth fighting for

*Tris 11 weeks pregnant*

_The days pass by so fast that I hardly get to acknowledge them, but what I do notice is Tobias stepping in the compound after a whole day of fighting (sometimes he doesn't even get to go home) with a new bruise, cut or worse injury: but at least now he knows that I worry about it, about him - that I am terrified of losing him, How do Jeanine and her faction do all this to innocent people without caring? The thought of having a sociopath rule society, sickens me. And believe me, when I say that I can't count the times, where I wanted to tell Tobias the truth, but the percent of me, that is Candor does not control my mind at the moment. For now, I'm just trying to help Tobias with the stress, partly by not telling him. _

"I know that there are more things, I could do," The past week, I have tried to convince Zeke to let me take part in restoring the peace. Maybe he won't let me fight, but at least I could do other necessary tasks.

"Just cut it out, Tris - it's not going to happen," he snaps back at me, obviously annoyed by my lack of understanding.

"Why not?" Like the other seven times, I've asked that question, I try my best not to sound childish and silly, knowing that he will never get persuaded by that.

Zeke sighs, not impatiently like the other times, but more like he is now forced to agree with something, then a little pause before these words finally pop out of his mouth: "A positive pregnancy test has been found, and I have decided not to let any girl go out there, until we've found out, who took it," the bitter taste of disgust forms on my tongue: _Peter. That idiot probably searched all the trashcans for it, so he can use it to prove, that I'm pregnant. _

Soon, I notice that Zeke is staring at me, waiting for an answer, therefore I give him one fast: "that is ridiculous! Do you seriously think it's me?" I try to laugh, but realize that I'm too nervous to make it sound natural. I decide to keep my mouth shut and put on my best poker face, until he wants to answer me.

"Yeah, I actually do,"

_Shit. _

I deeply consider keeping on denying it until, he asks me not to.

"What are you going to do?" I would've never expected him to sound worried, still he does, a little.

Something comes to my mind as he asks that: _I was so busy training and caring for Tobias that I didn't even think about what I should do about this. _

All my head wants to do is shake, and my eyes want to cry, although I would never let them get control. Not in front of a man, who barely knows me and what, I'm going through.

"Did Peter tell you anything?" Is the question, which has been burning inside me, since he told me, he knew.

When Zeke nods, it gets too much and I sink to the floor, my arms around my legs.

"Do me a favor," I say, "bring Four in here, without telling him anything. I need to talk to him,"

_Tobias might still be in the warzone, and I feel bad having to pull him out of service even though he probably will be thankful. His mother is factionless, he is Divergent. They're both in great danger, and so am I. _

"_I need every Divergent and factionless hunted down. They are responsible for these attacks, which kills your families," Jeanine said during a speech in the erudite compound yesterday. Please let Tobias be okay._


	7. Not broken, just bent

Tears form in my blue eyes _- one for every minute that goes by_ _having to wait for him. _It feels like everything inside me is about to break - it's like the feeling you get, when you hang off a cliff, knowing you will fall, still you hang on, and you hang, because something matters to you, something has a meaning. Therefore, I know that I have to tell him, even though I know that we will be over afterwards.

_He matters. He will always matter. _

The thing is that if we break, it won't stop me from helping people out, since let's face it: Once a stiff, always a stiff.

But I don't feel like I'm ready to help others right in this moment - I feel like a turtle, maybe because I sit like one, trying to avoid everyone and everything - too scared to move. All I do is think… A lot, about how this will affect me or even Tobias, who might be on the edge of breaking.

Four the brave, the guy I love; now crumbling because the fighting has no clear end. Here I am, about to make it worse.

"What's going on?" is the first thing, I hear him say, when he alongside Zeke steps into the office. Then Tobias notices me, obviously not needing an answer to the question anymore, when he walks towards me, sitting at the end of the room.

_Don't look at him. _

As he pulls me into a safe embrace, the soothing smell I know, meets me right before I break down. We haven't hugged like this in… well, it feels like it's been forever. Thinking, he's going to want an answer to what was wrong right away, I force myself to stop sobbing and prepare for speaking just a little bit clear, but that's not what he says.

"It's okay," his voice is soft, almost like he knows already - knows that crying is the only thing, which can possibly help me.

_The Abnegation side of him. Maybe that's what he needs to heal too - to remind himself that he is not only one thing: someone who fight and kill. _

I hear the door open and close right after, which tells me that Zeke just left us alone in the room, probably wanting me to tell Tobias the truth as soon as possible, but I don't want to - I want to be in his arms, breathing in safety while we press the space between us away. I love being this close to him, I haven't been in a long time, and now it becomes clear how much I've missed him.

_You don't know what left you until it comes back to rescue you. _

My tears have finally stopped, giving my eyes the break they needso badly, and I close them, resting my head on Tobias' shoulder. He brushes the side of my neck briefly with his soft lips, which makes me want to look at him for the first time during the long embrace.

For another while, we look into each other's eyes, remembering what we had and why it's worth fighting for. _Remembering each other. _

That something inside my mind, that told me that I'd lost him forever that day, turns small before it vanishes completely, and I feel happy for a minute, until I realize what needs to be told.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I really am,"

"Me too," is all he answers maybe since everything else would sound too cheesy or unnecessary. 'Sorry' is really the only word we need, but that doesn't mean that nothing else would matter.

"I didn't actually want to talk about this, but Zeke is forcing me to," I hate to pull out of his embrace, but it's needed for me to get it over with.

The safety disappears as soon as we stand up, still looking at each other, even though he looks confused, perhaps also a little nervous?

"What's the matter?" he asks.

_I don't need him to talk. It will just make it worse. SAY IT! _

My lower lip will soon start bleeding if I continue to bite it while trying to figure out, how I can break it to him.

"Tris… You aren't the girl, who stole those tests, are you?" that question pushes me into shock, and I stand frozen. How did he know about that? Did Peter tell him?

But when I nod, trying not to look devastated, he still looks at me in surprise like he just assumed that the tests had been stolen.

"Eric told me about it yesterday. Tris, you know that it's turning into a big rumor, that's spreading faster than fleas, right?" Then, I know he isn't taking it too seriously, but I don't know how to feel. I try to look irritated, still I'm too nervous.

"Why didn't you just tell me that you had a scare?" It makes me a little frustrated that he doesn't show a bit of compassion at the moment, or maybe it's just because I know that I have to tell him now, since he thinks that I'm not pregnant.

"Well that's because it wasn't just a scare," I tell him, and to my own surprise I do not sound the smallest bit nervous or sad. I say it like I'm annoyed.

But as soon as I can tell how shocked he is, all I do is look down at me feet, completely embarrassed by how I handled it, making it seem like it meant nothing to me, or that I had no trouble telling him. Almost as if I _wanted_ to be pregnant. Then, I look away, lowering my head and letting the feelings take control over me again - they normally never get to do that.

_I told him._

_It will be too much to take, and it will be over. _

_We will be over. _

My hands cover my face, which would've shown deep shame as I thought about it. Not because I shouldn't think that, but because I didn't think about that when I said it. Pregnancy is a thing, you can't hide from the world, it's something people love to gossip about, and I should've known that if someone found out, it would easily find it's way to everybody else.

This will not only take Tobias from me. This will cause me losing my friends, my faction, my family…

… _My everything. _

"Beatrice," _Did he seriously just call me that? _No one has called me by my real name in years, and it sounds incredibly odd to hear it again - I'm not sure if I like it though.

Right when I take my palms away from my face to answer him, he places his warm fingers to my cheek, while looking so deeply into my eyes, that I almost want to turn away - It's like he's searching for answers in there, like he tries to uncover the lies, I've told.

"Wait a minute: you're telling me the truth for once," I know that he isn't trying to make me angry, so I decide not to be.

"Yeah," it comes out like a croak. His eyes are still on mine, which reduces my ability to speak clearly.

He kisses me, his fingertips placed carefully under my chin and his other hand on the side of my face. The connection between us makes me warm up and calm down. Now, I can finally feel how tense every muscle in my body was, how much pressure I've put on myself.

_I thought we were broken, while we were just bent._

"I thought you were never going to trust me again," he says, when we finally break apart, "I thought I ruined us," He blames himself for what we both played a big part in. That's not right, but it's selflessness - it's Abnegation.

"What were we even thinking?" I must hold myself back from laughing. Partly because of happiness and partly because we had acted like true idiots: Dauntless behavior in a nutshell.

Tobias smiles shortly before his expression turns serious while looking at me. I stop smiling too.

_I almost forgot what I just told him. _

"I know it's not a good idea, but I _really _want to help out there," I say it, even though I know what he will answer.

"No way," I can't be surprised. It's not like he's going to let his pregnant girlfriend fight on streets, where people have gone crazy.

Still I try to beg him, and I don't know how I succeed in not sounding like a little kid wanting cookies before dinner. Somehow I do, and he finally gives in: "Fine. You can help finding hiding places for the factionless, so Jeanine doesn't get to kill them, but you have to promise me not to get yourself in a situation, where you could get killed. Also, you can help locking people's houses," Tobias explaines that by locking people inside their homes, wecould prevent more chaos and killings.

We make a deal: if I eat like I should be during my pregnancy and get pre-natal care, I can participate in the fighting until I'm in my second trimester.

"Sure, I will do that," I say, telling the truth, "if you promise never to call me Beatrice again," I grin as he pretends to be thinking a lot about, whether or not he should seal the deal after that.

"All right, then that's a deal," we shake hands and kiss.

_I'm happy. I'm the happiest; I've been in a long time. I can protect the people I love while maintaining a healthy relationship with Tobias. _


	8. Just like me?

The smell of safety - the smell of him is what wakes me up, and his familiar face is the first thing I see besides the colors of the morning sunlight melting beautifully together on the walls, just like us. It's been weeks, since we've woken up together, and last time, it ended in a huge fight, which pretty much left the apartment in ruins.

_I thought that day broke us, but we never truly let go off each other or the bond between us, even though it felt like that, felt like I lost that part of him, which had always been a part of me. _

I have to force the memory off of my mind. Instead we catch each other's gaze once again.

_Sometimes a look can say more than a thousand words. _My mother used to say that, but now it's like I understand what she meant. A whole monologue is on my mind, although it will not be spoken - Not today, not tomorrow.

_This is perfect_. _It is all I we need. Nothing less, nothing more. _

I have no idea how long we lay like this, until Tobias unwillingly spoils it: "We have to get ready," the disappointment appears clearly in his voice and in the way he looks at me afterwards, but I am aware that we need to focus, even though it may be hard sometimes.

_There's no more room for selfishness. _

"Want it back?" I ask, grinning at him, when I realize that I've slept in his everyday black sweater.

"Sure," It's nice to hear him laugh again - maybe I should laugh too, it's something we haven't done too much of in a while.

The grin on my face fades a little as I turn my back at him, and in one quick move pulls the sweater - smelling of safety - over my head. This reveals my back, that's only covered by a bra as well as…

"Did you get a new tattoo?" I don't blame him for being surprised, since I told him not long ago that I didn't want any more.

"No, not yet. Tori drew it with pen, so I could see if I liked it,"

"I like it," he says instantly. A smile builds up on my lips again. The drawing is a little throwing knife on my shoulder blade, and under it is the quote: "never give up," written in italics.

I can't help but to kiss him, when I am fully dressed. The kiss clears every other thought on my busy mind, and evokes memories.

_Now I remember why I got it: he makes me remember._

Tobias, Eric and I take the train to the Erudite headquarters, where most of the fighting is.

"What in the world took you so long?" Eric has been grumpy ever since we met him by the tracks maybe 10 minutes too late.

"That's none of your business," Yeah, the fact that the two rivals now are forced to work alongside each other, hasn't quite made their relationship any less bitter.

Before Eric gets the chance to answer, it's time for us to jump off.

The air is freezing cold on the small amount of my skin, that isn't covered up by the black leather clothes, but I hardly take notice of it before I hear shouting or maybe screaming? This gets the adrenaline running through my veins. We start to run. Run until my lungs are about to explode - till we stand on one of the streets right next to one of the glass buildings. We have placed ourselves right in the middle of a big chaos. Everywhere I look, I see Factionless in all ages running the same direction: towards us. That means that whatever, they're trying to escape from may not be far behind.

"What are they running from?" I ask, lowering my voice.

"I'll explain later. Right now, the only thing you have to do is to gather a group of factionless, bring them safely to an empty house and lock it so good that no one will be able to get out before we let them," Tobias answers quickly. Then, Eric and he head the direction, the factionless are coming from. For a moment, I consider following them, but I decide not to. I have to do my own job first. It may as important as theirs.

It doesn't take me long to catch up with a group of slow factionless. I tell them to stop, even though I know that it will take a lot more persuading.

"Follow me - I have a safe place for you to stay,"

_Wow, you really didn't think this through, did you Beatrice? They're not little kids, so they will refuse to trust me. _

There are about 20 people in the group - half of them are sadly youngsters or kids. Suddenly, I'm happier than I've ever been about making it in Dauntless. Just looking at them makes me sick: ruined clothes, greasy hair, dry lips. No smiles, not a single sparkle shown in their eyes. This is a part of why I wouldn't have made it in Abnegation - I always see them as _ghosts _I believe that when you become factionless, a part of your soul is stolen.

_They're like living dead._

Somehow, I still want the best for them. Not every factionless had a choice... It makes me think about Albert, and how he was so terrified of ending up factionless that he would rather die - I think I would've made the same decision after all.

Before I think more about it, a little girl walks to me, or more accurately runs with a small limb. She's crying soundlessly. As she stands beside me with crossed arms, I see something in those tearful eyes: _determination_. She hasn't given up, and for now that's all I need for the other's to follow - one of their own, who still wants to fight.

It takes a few long minutes before they all run behind me - the little girl is the fastest, but it doesn't surprise me.

"_You're fast and could win if you attack first," _Tobias' voice cuts through my mind as a memory.

I hear her fall, so I look over my shoulder and stop to help her up, but she doesn't take my hand, instead she stands up, her eyes still burning with the determination, she does not want to lose.

Finally, I can open the door to an abandoned house, which was probably owned by a Candor family before the demonstrations started.

"Get in!" I yell, because the loud screaming from Erudite even can be heard from, where we're standing. They surprisingly do what I tell them to, but on the other hand, they're most likely exhausted from running, and do not have energy to refuse.

I'm the last person to get in. I won't stay there. I can't. Not when Tobias may be in danger of getting killed by something, I have no idea what is.

"I will lock this house up, and there's no need to put effort into attempting to get out, until I let you go. It's safer in here-" They're all staring at me, except her: she slides down the wall, breathing heavily while looking at the ceiling.

_Is she crying?_

I have compassion in my voice as I continue: "Listen, I know that it's your life out there, and quite possibly your families. You want to fight for justice, I understand that, but truth is that you can't do it without help, so please take what we offer to you," then, I turn to the door, walk out silently and lock the house as well as possible with the tools, I received from Eric earlier.

_Tobias. I need to find him._


	9. The only AUTHOR'S NOTE IMPORTANT INFO

So, this is not a chapter… I'm sorry :D But it's really important that you read this if there's something you don't understand about the story, and keep coming back to it as the story progresses, because I'll be updating if I need to address something, instead of just making 50 author notes - I hope that sounds good.

- Tris is Tobias _are _together, but before the story starts, they had a big argument that almost let to them breaking up.

- Will and Christina are also together, even though they haven't been in the story much _yet. _Trust me, they will appear later on.

- Al is dead.

- Marcus Eaton will appear later on as well.

- Caleb will appear.

- Jeanine will appear.

- Tris' parents are dead too.

- Tobias mother is factionless, maybe she won't be introduced in this story.

- Christina can almost call herself an instructor.

- Erudite runs the government after Abnegation were forced to stop as the ruling faction.

- The fighting is caused by Erudite blaming the factionless and Divergents for being the reason for them to change some laws and rights - it's not true.

Hope that answered some of your questions - if you need more answers - please send me a message, and I will write back to you as soon as possible.


	10. What they made him into

_Dauntless never give up._

The modern glass buildings capture powerful beams of the sun, which has almost risen completely behind me during those 30 minutes, I've spend running around outside looking for Tobias without luck. I try to ignore the voice inside my mind that sharply and continuously keeps telling me he is inside, partly because I want to avoid ever placing a toe in one of these buildings again, and since I made a promise not to get myself into a dangerous situation. I'm Dauntless: I should be craving fear, adrenaline not to mention _pride. _My respect for him _isn't _going to hold me back.

_Oh hello there, Abnegation stubbornness - long time no see. _

As the conflict I've had with myself for a while, finally stops, I turn left just in time, but what I see afterwards shocks me, and all blood is drawn from my face: Erudite members with facial expressions comparable to a statue's pull defenseless factionless with them into the main building.

_Did Jeanine seriously put her own faction under simulation? _

It's so unbelievable that I stand frozen, unable to think clear - all my thoughts jumble together in a huge mess and so does the only plan I had for getting in there. Ladies scream, kids cry.

_This is war. Just like during initiation, I have to stop this. When you think everything is finally sorted out among the factions, Erudite messes it all up again. How did they even get to power?_

The horrible vision of two factionless siblings getting dragged by the same man gets me moving closer to the buildings, but when the man's face turns out to be familiar, I wish I hadn't: _Caleb. _

_Please let it be a simulation. He wouldn't do something this cruel; especially not to the group of people he spent half of his life helping. _

My brother gets another man his age to take the boy, while he pulls a little test tube out of his belt. The test tube contains some transparent liquid that looks like water. Still I know it is far from it…. He forces the girl's mouth open, pours all the serum into it and then makes her swallow. Before I even get the chance to look away, the girl turns slack in Caleb's arms… Her eyes lose light…

_Why Caleb, why?_

All the mixed emotion, which have build up inside me the whole time watching this, unable to prevent it from happening, are overwhelming. I need to release them by crying while beating up my brainwashed brother, but someone grabs me, and of course I see blue clothing at the corner of my eye. That idiot obviously can't tell that I'm Dauntless… Or are they targeting Divergents too?

I succeed in hitting the attacker with my elbow. The pain cases him to let a little go of me. Somehow it is enough and I fight him off without much struggle. One punch in the face, two in the abdomen, one in the face again and at last a nice kick right to the crotch.

_Well, I needed that. He deserved it… Kinda. _

"Tris!"

"Tobias!" The sound of his voice puts a tiny smile on my face, which vanishes again as I lay eyes on him.

"Oh my god, what happened?" He doesn't answer, instead he pulls me away from the buildings, quicker and harder than I would like.

About 15 minutes later, we're sitting inside the abandoned house I let the group of Factionless into earlier. The girl with determination is sitting right across, but I don't want to look at her anymore. I don't want to look at any of them, so to keep myself distracted, I've pulled out the first-aid kit - hopefully Tobias' wounds aren't as bad as they look: maybe some sort of glass broke and cut him.

He may think it's unnecessary to clean them, and that's right, but it's the only way I can distract him from looking at me - at my eyes full of tears. Truth is: I'm in pain too, not just physically, also mentally. After everything I've seen already, I don't actually know if I will be able to continue.

_Not when Caleb has become a cold blooded murderer - no way will I ever want to witness that again. _

"You broke our deal," Tobias says quietly, placing his hand on mine to stop me from cleaning the cuts. He wants my attention now.

"I wish I hadn't," to my disappointment, you can hear the pain hiding in my voice. My eyes won't meet his.

Then he turns completely silent, but I know what he wants to achieve by this and therefore I try not to give in too easily, because I know that it will happen. It always does.

The first sob that escapes my mouth sounds unreal: "Caleb killed a girl," apparently, he can tell what I'm saying, because he wraps an arm around my waist, letting me cry into his shoulder. Even though I know that all the Factionless are staring at us, it doesn't stop my tears, which surprises me, because I've never wanted to look weak in front of anyone.

Tobias kisses my hair, when the sobs slowly cease.

"I love you," I whisper in his ear.

"I love you too. Now let me show you something,"

_We go outside and we walk long enough to watch the sun disappear and rise once more._

"_A new day brings along light," he whispers while pressing his forehead to mine. _


	11. Calls us home

_*A month later* _

The train's rumbling on the tracks, heading towards home. It feels like a decade has passed since we've been somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. I feel warmth heating up the cold in my stomach, which I saw as incessant since I witnessed the murder of the little girl, but should I be feeling cold and numb for longer? Should the sour betrayal caused by Jeanine be never ending? Well, if so, I know that this moment of happiness is only temporary.

My head's resting on Tobias' chest, his hands around my waist while his thumbs gently rub my stomach. I smile, placing my hand on his for a short moment. This is not the typical parent and baby bonding, I have seen, but it's perfect for us - a love not obviously sugarcoated just real. Then a little smile takes over my lips.

This month has passed by with hiding the factionless, calming them down. After what happened, my urge to go to the headquarters increased, because all I wanted was to make Jeanine pay for what she did to my brother, and no matter how tough it is going to be, I will get justice for both the Factionless and Erudite zombies, mostly marked as murderers now. We're going to the compound, but only for three days, then the fighting will continue, and this time, I am going to step inside that building to prove how furious Jeanine has made me.

However, I did try to sneak away from the Factionless a couple of times, yet something about those buildings make me lose control over every thought that's in my mind.

I realize in this moment, that I have been so busy with revenge that I have forgotten the fact that I'm fifteen weeks pregnant. It's obvious that Tobias is really happy about going home too, since he hasn't glared at Eric, sitting across from us, a single time during the train-ride. Instead, my eyes find him: Eric is sitting, somehow curled up but looking blankly ahead with a look, I'm pretty sure he hasn't shown once before, but what is hiding inside those eyes? I try not to stare at him too long. No it can't be _vulnerability: _Eric, who has pretty much been a sociopath all his life. Then it hits me: Eric was born in Erudite - it's his family out there! Maybe he isn't quite as true to the _faction before blood - _thing as we all thought, but 1 minute later, we have to jump off, and abruptly it's gone, which makes me wonder if I ever saw anything.

I've missed the echoing sound of my footsteps on the concrete floors in the compound. Being here finally makes me want to fall to the ground, curl up like a ball, so I could suck in as much safety as possible before having to leave. This is one of the times, where my divergence is clear to me: I do not seek danger all the time - There comes a point when it gets too much, and I just want to calm down for a moment.

"Tris! Four!" The only thing, I see before a hug almost knocks me flat, is Christina's dark hair flying behind her.

Although she squeezes me a bit too hard, I'm both happy and relieved to see my best friend again, knowing that she missed me as much as I missed her.

Will and Tobias give each other the typical 'man hug', which surprises me, because they have never been close friends or anything.

"To justify that you didn't come back for an entire month, you have to give us all the juicy details," That's so Christina to say something like that, but I can't blame her. They must've thought we were dead.

Tobias and I explain while we walk to the cafeteria together: we tell them about our plan, the Zombie-Erudite as well as the strange liquid they use to kill people with. It is weird to me that they have not yet figured out what it exactly is, even though Tobias told me not long ago that they suspected it to be some sort of drug. An overdose…

"How long are you staying?" Will asks, handing me a bowl of pasta.

"Not many days," I answer. "We have to figure out how to end this," Christina glares at me when she notices that I've taken at least double the amount of food as usual and I pretend not to care, still it worries me a bit.

_There could be many reasons to why I would be eating more: training for example. Pregnancy will be the last thing she suspects. _

"And you couldn't do that from here?" Her sassy side can be annoying sometimes, but I've missed it making me laugh when the exhaustion from training got me down.

"Yeah, I guess we could," Tobias answers casually. He misses the compound more than I do. That's understandable, since he has been fighting for almost four months.

The look I give Christina is filled with sorrow.

_Caleb. He needs to be saved from that terrible faction as quick as possible - That can't be done here. _

"We'll stay for a little while," I send my friends false smile. When they smile happily back, mine turns real. _Maybe the first person that needs to be saved is myself. _

Under the table, Tobias hands me the four pills, I'm taking during my pregnancy, and my hand quickly closes around them. We send each other sneaky smiles. It's a relief how good we've become at keeping this a secret, though I know that it's something you can't hold forever. Soon, it will spill, so without caring I put all the pills in my mouth at once, quickly, before washing them down with nearly a whole glass of water.

They stare at me, making me feel regretful. I still haven't quite accepted the pregnancy, even though it's stupid not to. Why would I pretend not to care? I'm getting tired of lying to them, but still there's no other solution: "What? All that exercise wears me out. Vitamins are a miracle cure to that,"

"You sound like my grandma," Will says with a tone, which makes it clear that he _wasn't_ kidding.

"Oh come on. Give us a break," Tobias laughs, helping me out of the situation, but I can't take this anymore: I'm too tired, and I think about way too many things to act like I'm social. If I could just say it, there would be one less thing to worry about.

"What's the deal? Don't even try to lie again," Christina's clearly hurt. Like who wouldn't be? She hasn't seen me in a month, thinking I had been killed, and now I'm sitting here, lying to her like it doesn't mean anything. It's not right anymore. I know that.

"Then come with me," My eyes find Tobias' quickly before we head out of the door. He seems nervous.

"What the hell? Is this necessary?" Christina says. Now they are both suspicious of us with good reason of course.

"Yes it is. Shut up for a minute?" Tobias snaps at her, while we both pace around in front of them. We decided that it would be best to say this in his apartment. Why? I'm not exactly sure.

My brain won't stop thinking, the thoughts jumble together again, and soon it will be to messy to work with. I hate this.

I never realized how hard it would be to tell them - how much I'll have to admit not only to them, also myself… Am I ready to accept this?

Tobias finally sits down beside me, placing his arm around my back. Christina and Will are both impatient right now - we can't blame them, even though it makes the pressure on us a lot bigger.

"Truth is… I - I am," When Tobias realizes that it hurts for me to say, he throws the little jar of vitamins to Will. It has the description on it.

Their eyes turn big and Christina's mouth opens slightly before she says: "For pregnancy? Tris?"

"I'm pregnant," Tobias pulls me a little closer, trying to comfort me.

_At least I got to say it before Peter did. _


	12. New mindset

_The second those two words finally get to escape my mouth after being trapped in there for so incredibly long, it feels like the whole apartment turns upside down, taking me with it, leaving me overwhelmed by my own acceptance of everything. Did I seriously have to tell my best friends before understanding that there's a living human inside of me? THIS IS REAL. It's not some crazy dream I'm going to wake up from._

I'm shaking of pure confusion while tears fill my eyes, and for a minute, I let them fall - let the feelings take over, but even though it feels freeing, I get too embarrassed to continue. Tobias holds me close, his lips to my temple.

"I'm sorry," Christina says with compassion like any other best friend probably would feel the need to.

"Don't be," finally, I dry my face with the black sleeve on the sweatshirt, then blink to get rid of the remaining tears and prevent red eyes. Like really, she shouldn't feel sorry for me at all, since it's completely my fault: I forgot to take two birth-control pills, and did not tell Tobias, when clearly I should have.

Will, who until now has stayed quiet suddenly, asks: "Why didn't you tell us before? You can trust us," he's talking to both of us, but this time, Tobias decides to explain: "We had a lot of things to think about surrounding the killings and all. When finally we were able to go home and focus on something else, it was time for the secret to come out," i_t has already come out - Peter knows. He knew long before Tobias even did. Why hasn't he told anyone? _

They still seem to be shocked: however don't want any further details, which surprise me. "I would've thought you would want more information…" Tobias clearly spots some weird look between Will and Christina, because he almost yells: "What do you two know that we don't? Spit it out!" He sounds like an instructor again, but this is one of the times, where I'm happy that he's still capable of that. The couple look nervously to each other again, Christina clears her throat and says somewhat confidently: "We heard the pregnancy test rumor from Drew - who heard it from Peter - the morning you went to Erudite headquarters. Since you didn't come back, we kinda…" she pauses to glare at us both, "thought you might've eloped or something,"

"Wait, what?!" Tobias and I loudly say at the same time, rolling our eyes afterwards.

"At least now we know that it was not the case, right?" Will's tone of voice is awkward - that's understandable.

I nod, knowing that we have things to plan, which are more important than a silly accusation, and since we most likely need their help these days, we have to be mature about it.

"Just forget it," Tobias laughs naturally.

The cafeteria is always full of activity in the morning: people chatting, yelling, laughing or gossiping mix with the sound of knives and forks colliding with plates. My eyes scan the room to find Eric, but he's not sitting at the table for the Dauntless leadership - _He's gone. _That's so unusual that I can't help tapping Tobias' shoulder.

"Do you think Eric could've gone back without us?" I whisper loud enough for Christina and Will to hear.

"No, I don't," he says simply while looking over his shoulder to see if Eric could be elsewhere in the room. "There's always a possibility, even though it would be an incredibly ignorant thing to do," We decide not to think more of it after discussing it briefly with Christina and Will, who advised us to not be paranoid.

We've made Tobias' apartment into our meeting-area for the week, so it's been filled with bags of powdered coffee and hot chocolate, cookies, fruit (gotta have the healthy stuff) and Dauntless chocolate cake, because I've craved it since getting here.

Will and Christina want to make sure that we get a little casual during the plan-making - it should block out unnecessary stress, they say. Normally I would have been very impatient about their view on that, but I know that they are just trying to cheer us up even despite everything we've hidden from them, which makes me grateful - I know Tobias is too.

"What do you plan to do?" Will asks and takes a bit of his cookie.

"Well, we have been fighting against Erudite for almost four months now, and so far not much has changed. It's frustrating, but instead of giving up, we have to find out where Jeanine is hiding. She is what we've searched for in the past time. They have led us to a dead end. When we discover where she is, it may be possible to overpower her," Tobias answers, his eyes shining with willpower.

I smile, looking at it - words can't explain how happy I am, knowing that he has not given up, proving me wrong.

_He's too strong to lose hope._

"Where do you think she could be hiding? There must be someone from Erudite, who knows it," Christina is right, but Jeanine has too many people.

"We could figure out, who Jeanine trusts, then threaten them into telling us," I suggest.

"I'm not sure that would work, Tris. Jeanine doesn't hesitate to kill a person, who betrays her. It's an option, though," if not Will had been born in Erudite, obviously knowing more about the faction than me, I would've felt a little offended.

There's a few seconds of silent thinking, before I decide to say: "At first, we have to get in there without getting killed, then we'll take an Erudite as hostage… It sounds a little risky. Where have you searched for her, Tobias?"

"In all of the Candor headquarters, Abnegation headquarters and by the fence," he answers right away.

"Wouldn't hiding in a faction headquarter be too risky for her after all? She's probably hiding where nobody would think to look, but where is that?" This makes us think to the point, where I think my head is going to explode.

"Of course!" I think out loud, "She's with the factionless!"


	13. One undercover, one dissapearance

When they all stare at me, I think they've misunderstood my accusation, but then a smile lights up Tobias exhausted looking face - it grows bigger and bigger until he kisses me on the cheek before happily complimenting: "You're a genius, Tris!" blood raises to my cheeks, making them blush just enough for him to notice, so I turn my head down, looking at the plate, where a delicious slice of chocolate cake is waiting to be eaten. We've taken the first step along the long way of solving this puzzle - hopefully, it's a big step. However it's still incredibly relieving to know that even after all the wasted time and dead ends, it doesn't mean that everything's hopeless.

"I have to admit that Jeanine is probably one of the smartest living women. The plan is fantastic but evil: she can go around anywhere, pretending to be Factionless while nobody thinks anything of it and all the information, she could get out of it," Christina says, staring at Tobias and I.

_Exactly, that's why we need to stop her._

Before saying goodnight to each other, I pull out a map of the city with all the headquarters as well as the Factionless sector on it, and with the red sharpie, Will always carries with him, Tobias draws circles around the places, where Jeanine could be, but when he's finished, we realize something: "We're far from enough people for this," I mutter, staring continuously at the areas.

Christina's happiness shines through her eyes: "Will and I could join you," she suggests while Will nods uncontrollably next to her.

"If you want to," Tobias replies, almost laughing at how eager they seem to be - however soon they will see that looking for Jeanine in an enormous mess of factionless may not be the simplest thing.

We decide to ask Marlene, Lynn and Uriah the following morning as well, since we need all the help there is to get, especially if Eric has completely disappeared.

_Where could he possibly be?_

When our friends have left us alone in the apartment, I immediately turn to Tobias: "Do you think Eric has gone to Erudite?" For a minute, he just looks at me, maybe wondering that himself.

"Hopefully not…" he replies while still thinking. "Don't worry about it, Tris. He might show up tomorrow,"

_And he might not…_

"Take it easy," Tobias whispers kindly before kissing me between the eyebrows. I know that all he wants is to relax while he is here, so I shouldn't be the one to stress him out with my accusations. We don't need any more questions right now - what we need is sleep, answers and… love possibly? The idea makes me kiss him. As we stand there, it's like everything freezes.

_Please let it stay that way. _

His fingertips touch the side of my face as the kiss turns hungrier and I wrap my arms around his back, letting them find some bare skin under the hem of his t-shirt. Obviously I can't feel the tattoo, but I know it starts there - the Amity symbol.

_Brave, selfless, intelligent, honest and kind… The beauty of divergence. He has it, even when he tries to hide it._

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter - it is really not my best work :/ Please, please review.**


	14. Make me stronger

**A/N: I know that there's a lot of information, which you readers need quickly, so therefore I'm going to throw an answer into this chapter WARNING - FLASHBACK DRAMA :D This chapter is also going to revolve around Tris' pregnancy, but please don't get mad at me if I throw some planning in there too.**

ღ

_There is one mirror in my house, it's full length and quite intimidating when I'm still dressed in gray, looking boldly at my reflection, not ashamed of the vanity it gives me. I can't be Abnegation. I know. The blue eyes of mine look strong, independent, but somewhere deep inside them is some insecurity, some uncertainty. No matter how much I try to keep that away, it won't go, and I'll have to realize how it's always going to be a part of me. I'm strong yet somewhat vulnerable. To prove myself wrong, to believe how brave I am still, my hands place themselves on my belly, fitting perfectly around it. A feeling of movement, causes me to smile. When I look up at myself in the mirror again, still smiling, the baby is in my arms, alive but sleeping soundlessly - My child. Then, someone turns up beside me suddenly: my mother. "I love you, no matter what," she says… _I wake up.

The dream has left me in complete shock, mouth open while sweating even though outside snow is falling calmly down - December weather. Dreams always try to tell you something, and this message couldn't be clearer: I need to accept this pregnancy now, because it doesn't make me any less brave or selfless: no in fact, maybe it will make those traits stronger than they are at the moment. _I really need them to be stronger._ And besides, my friends proved that they don't see me differently, at least not as _a weaker person. _

"Did you sleep well?" Tobias wakes up first every morning, even though he's capable of sleeping in, and we don't have to get up early today.

He crouches beside the bed with a cup of hot chocolate (we have the bad the isolation of the apartment to thank for it being freezing cold), and as I take it, warming my hands on its sides, I nod, answering his question silently.

Technically, we don't live together, still I have spend way more time in his home than in my own, especially before the fight a couple of months back:

"_Why can't you just trust me?!" his eyes were burning with a rage, I'd never seen before in my life. _

"_It's not easy when I see you spending that much time with Lauren, and nothing with me!" I was angry, though not at the same level as him. On top of that, jealousy turns people into monsters._

_10 minutes went by with us - two former love birds - throwing things everywhere out of frustration. All that was on my mind, while I was doing it was that he betrayed me, broken the trust it had taken so long for me to give to him._

_The sight of the apartment afterwards was unreal, though leaving him in there alone, smacking the door behind me, still yelling, but seconds later crying of guilt._

That horrible feeling gets back to me with the flashback - the feeling of Tobias drifting slowly away, because I hurt him. Tears blur my vision for the one-hundredth time during this pregnancy-journey, which I suspect, causes unwanted emotions.

"Tris, what's wrong?" he whispers softly, his voice indicating that he is worried about how I've been feeling lately. His fingers, placed underneath my chin now, forces me to look at him, in the blue eyes, I have memorized.

"It's just that my mind won't let the thought of losing you go," I say, trying to keep my voice from cracking. The last thing, he need to see me as is weak, even though a small part of my DNA holds vulnerability, I always do everything to pretend, that it's not there, because I want to be brave, Dauntless and strong.

We hug each other, building a shield, that keeps all hurt out, then Tobias whispers with his mouth to my ear: "I will neverleave _you,_" as the words came out, I thought he was just talking to _me _like always, but afterwards the pressure on the word 'you' makes sense. _He meant our child too. _

A laugh breaks free from my lungs, before I tell him: "I love you," those three words sound surprisingly natural, but he seems to like it that way.

"And I love _you_," once again with the 'you'. This time it makes me smile.

ღ

Alongside Christina and Will, we eat our lunch by the chasm, which obviously is beautiful, but still it has its downsides: the roaring water makes it impossible to speak with normal volume: therefore we don't talk much, just nod, shake heads, frown, smile or laugh.

"Have you picked any names yet?" Chris asks me while the two of us are walking to the training room.

"No. Since we don't know what the gender is, it would be a little hard to agree on one," I reply, smiling.

"What do you think? Boy or girl?" She grins and looks briefly at my stomach.

"Good question…. Umm, I think it's a boy, but you can't really be sure," I'm glad to have a best friend with whom I can share this.

When we reach the training room, I think of Eric and how he still hasn't been seen. Should we hang a poster or something? Tomorrow, we are all going out to the warzone - _If he's not there, I will be spooked. _

**A/N: I'm very sorry for the sudden ending, guys, but please tell me how you liked this chapter and the story overall. Constructive critic is allowed.**

**- Iheartwriting1**


	15. Traitor

**A/N: The war in Divergent has never happened. **

Big snowflakes carried by strong wind hits flies everywhere around us from the moment jumping off the train and into the dark December night, freezing cold. The air forces water from my eyes to run down my cold cheeks, but Christina suffers the same problem, because she uses her sleeve to dry them away. Warm air collides with cold as I exhale just before running after Tobias, Christina and Will following me. The sound of my own fast footsteps on the asphalt gives me something to match my breaths, I found that to help me a lot, and now especially because of the pregnancy, where I'm most likely to get exhausted.

_Tonight I will be determined. _

This is one of the only chances we get to find Jeanine, and she's most definitely not easy to capture - trust me, they've tried for four months now, yet no success at all.

I catch with Tobias as we pass the Ferris wheel, still standing lonely at that exact same spot - not that I had expected it to move, but it's incredible to think how long it's been there already. We both stop to stare at the attraction for the first time in an entire year.

_How long will it be there before finally collapsing? _Hopefully it will be here for our child to see, since it's possibly the only thing I want to show to the next generation. Everything else in this fractured city doesn't matter, but this place…

_I was only here for real once, but still the memory is so clear in my mind that I'm sure it will never leave. The feeling of clinging onto the metal bars, Tobias' fingers on my skin, the adrenaline from climbing high above the ground, Tobias' fingers touching my skin and him saving me before I fell to death._

Tobias has placed an arm around my shoulder, keeping us close just a little while even with Christina and Will behind us waiting. Hopefully they understand what's going on. I look him in the eyes, realizing that my gaze is probably full of longing, a wanting to experience the same feeling again. He kisses me shortly.

_If our friends hadn't been here, how long would that kiss have lasted? _Even though I can't understand exactly why, I keep missing him and the time we used to have together. Right before running after the others, I push the memory away quickly. I know I have to focus completely on this right here, right now.

"As soon as Jeanine has been located, we're going to Amity," Tobias whispers in my ear, his breath warm against it. I don't get to ask him why, because we're standing beside the glass buildings of the Erudite headquarter.

The situation is still the same: screaming Factionless running around everywhere (a woman with her baby even bumps into me), no sound of gunshots or any other weapon, and I'm pretty sure that if Christina and Will hadn't know about the drug overdose. They would've been just as confused as I was.

"Maybe if they kept quiet, they would avoid getting killed," Christina says, loading her gun. She's right, but I can see why they're scared: numerous Erudite-zombies drag Factionless to the headquarters and it becomes clear how much I want to help them.

"Christina, Will. You'll go right towards to the Candor sector, where Tris has had approximately 240 Factionless. Tris and I will try to get in the main building to find Eric," Tobias says looking straight into Christina's stubborn eyes.

"Why can't we join you?" She asks.

"Do you want to participate or not?" He replies, "Besides you know the area way better than we do," and with that, he runs towards the main building, not waiting me to get ready to follow him, but I catch up fast. My eyes are focused on the four men guarding the building. They are zombied too.

When we're 6 feet away from the entrance, the men start walking run towards us, their eyes cold. Two of them are shockingly Dauntless soldiers, but there's nothing we can do to save them now. I don't think when I shoot two of them, but as Tobias shoots the remaining couple, I check once more to see if I recognized the people I just murdered. No familiar faces.

I would've expected there to be more 'zombies' in the building, yet there seems to be more outside than inside. On this floor is about 10 people, 9 of them Erudite and one single Dauntless, looking pale but not particularly dead like the rest. We walk closer, expecting to see Eric's face - instead an unknown soldier stares back at us, murder drawn in his dark eyes as he points a gun to us, still I'm faster and pull the trigger. The loud bang suddenly awakes the rest of the zombies, who had been busy working on something until now. Jeanine should really have thought this through a little more: Erudite members will never know how to use weapons, zombies or not, so when full-experienced Dauntless are facing them, they can't even get close to us with their drug overdose before we shoot them.

Yes, there was once, when I was attacked by one of them, but that was because I was looking at my brother instead of paying attention to what was behind me. They're a threat to the defenseless Factionless, never to us - that's why I didn't think that this war would be so serious, because we could help them find safety and get Erudite overpowered… It's not that easy. Jeanine is smarter than I thought.

When bodies of Erudite-zombies cover the floor, we head upstairs, hoping to find Eric somewhere else in the building.

"Eric! Where are you, you idiot?!" Tobias shouts to my surprise. There is no one up here but still. He's angry and for a moment, I wonder why. Then a memory crosses my mind: Eric once used his leadership-status to brag about how good of a Dauntless he was and how much he would do to protect the city like our faction requires. He's neither brave nor smart if his decision was to leave in the middle of all this.

"Yes?"A spooky voice answers before Eric shows up, coming out of some sort of laboratory, with an evil grin on his face. Tobias looks up from his gun pointed at Eric's head for a second in awe.

"If you don't want to die, tell us where Jeanine is," I shout while imitating his cold stare.

Tobias places his finger around the trigger of his gun, and I do the same with mine so we seem more threatening. It is needed, because Eric will always be like ice, his heart cold as the snow blowing into the room from broken window behind him.

"Like I have an idea where she is," Eric replies then laughs.

We both want to shoot that arrogant, sadistic idiot so bad, but lack of information about Jeanine holds us back, however just for a little while_. I'm not sure if Eric knows that he will die today._ There are many questions to be answered and time is running out, or it's just because I feel anxious with my finger almost squeezing the metal trigger. Sweat drops form on my forehead, my teeth clench behind my closed mouth. I'm furious. I hate not knowing anything at all, there are numerous details missing, and when we're finally standing in front of the traitor, who might be the only one with them.

"Tell us where the simulation is being controlled from!" I change question, hoping that Christina and Will soon find Jeanine somewhere among the hundreds of Factionless.

"I'm sorry but no, I don't think so," Eric smiles at me. He's hiding something. I know it - nothing's like it seems with him.

_Maybe he's under simulation too, just a different one. _

"Tobias…" I whisper my thoughts to him quickly, and even though he stares at me for a second in disbelieve, he still examines Eric very carefully. If there's someone, who can tell when a person is under simulation, it has to be Tobias.

Eric's standing very much like a soldier, his hands ready to punch down his sides, his green eyes cold as always, but an unfamiliar kind of cold - _true darkness, nothing. _

The sound of a gunshot interrupts my thoughts abruptly. I turn away from Tobias, standing in shooting position to see a dead Eric on the floor. _He killed him. _Or almost, because he's still gasping for air - it sounds horrifying, and all I can do is close my eyes until he cannot continue, which tells me that he's gone for good.

"Why the hell did you do that?! We needed that information!" I scream at Tobias. With Eric dead, my only chances of saving Caleb and the other Erudite members from the simulation may be minimum.

"He wasn't going to tell us anything anyway, Tris. The simulation he was under, made sure that not a single secret would slip out of his mouth - actually the straight opposite of truth serum," he replies calmly while looking into my eyes again.

"We're going to end this. I promise," he ends.

Christina told us that they'd finally spotted a woman sharing more than a couple of traits with Jeanine in the Abnegation sector, where I had hid only 14 Factionless. Tobias told them that we had to do something first, but we would be there as soon as possible, which was a lie, since at the moment we're sitting on a train, heading towards Amity headquarters….


	16. A heartbeat

**Chapter 15 - A heartbeat**

**A/N: This chapter contains fluff! :D Be prepared. **

When we get to Amity, Tobias still hasn't told me why exactly it is that we're here, and why it was so incredibly important that we didn't' even have time to explain everything properly to Christina and Will, who are probably standing not far from Jeanine in this very moment, where we also should be according to me, but something else is clearly Tobias' first priority. Hopefully it's not a waste of time.

"Can I at least tell them that we're here right now?" Tobias walks fast, heading towards the house where Johanna is usually to be found. I have only met her once while I was training by the fence.

He nods, so with use of the walkie-talkie I quickly tell Christina that they have to keep an eye on Jeanine until we leave again. She got a little pissed, because we couldn't tell her what the purpose of going to Amity is, when all the fighting is far away from the farms, but Tobias knows what he's doing, or at least I hope so. It's hard not to doubt his planning considering that he just killed Eric and may be feeling bad about it, even though they had been rivals from the bloody moment they lay eyes on each other.

We don't know for sure if he decided to betray Dauntless himself or if he was simply forced to by his old, coldhearted leader. That drives me to think about how he looked on the train ride home: the vulnerable look in his eyes, which was just there for a second. Maybe he wanted justice like all of us, for his family in Erudite and then in return he was put in simulation too.

I follow Tobias as we walk up to the house, knocking on its door and waiting for an answer before entering, since if we want to earn Johanna's time, we'll at least have to show some pacifistic manners: be kind as well as patient. It looks like it works, because we're greeted by a smiling faction-leader, who hugs us both kindly, asking us to sit down afterwards.

_How do they possibly act so calm when a civil war is happening just a few miles from them? How can they be happy with ignoring such a thing?_

"Do you want to talk to me for any specific reason?" she asks effortlessly with the peace shining through her pretty eyes.

"Of course," I reply, trying not to sound harsh, but it's difficult, since I don't understand why she pretends that the war doesn't exist, that she doesn't know about it. "Dauntless do not exactly enjoy chit-chatting with other faction members." I continue, narrowing my eyes slightly. Tobias glares shortly at me as he starts to explain: "Truth is: we actually need your help, Johanna. No, not just you, you're entire faction. I mean have you seen what's going on out there?" His tone is somewhat frustrated already. "It's crazy," I say, now that I've figured why we needed to talk to her. "and we can't stop it if all the factions don't join together to overpower Jeanine and Erudite. Without you, it's not possible. She will just ignore us, like you're ignoring the thing right now." When I finish, I realize that I did not breathe while speaking. Tobias looks at me again with slight amazement: he's proud, shocked. _I know every single one of his expressions, and what they tell me. _

"I'm afraid that participating in this sort of political battle goes against our ideology-" she says, still calmly, but I can't let her finish, not when she keeps annoying me: "Political battle? Are you kidding me?! Please tell me, you're kidding." In that moment, Caleb crosses my mind: "Johanna, you may not have noticed, but people are getting killed: hundreds of innocent children, parents, siblings and I could go on and on with the list! This is no longer political - This is real, whether you want to accept it or not. Ignoring fighting doesn't create any peace. To create peace, you have to act…." When Tobias notices how angry, I'm about to get, he takes over, way calmer, talking slowly and clearly to Johanna, hoping that we make our point soon: "We're not asking you to physically fight, but to help us get Jeanine overpowered. That can be done many different ways." Johanna looks from me to Tobias then sighs.

"It will take more thinking, even though I'm not completely closed. Let me look more at the situation for a day. You can stay here, while we make up our minds," at least there's a little hope, because no matter how much we wish we didn't need their help, we truly do.

Tobias and I both stand up after giving her nods of acceptance. The Pacifists like to do their things very peacefully of course, so we'll have to be prepared for a long wait, since the way they discuss topics that could influence the whole faction, they like to do it slowly not to mention carefully. Suddenly Johanna's brown eyes widen. At first I look around, searching for what's making her surprised, then I realize that it's me.

"You're pregnant," she says clearly while still looking at me. I'm not sure if she knows that it's a little uncomfortable.

"Yes," my reply is as clear as hers. Johanna smiles at us and to our surprise stands up, following us to an empty guest room. When Tobias tries to say that we don't have time to stay, it's almost like she feels a bit offended for a second. Anyway, it soon disappears just like Eric's vulnerability to show her real traits: kindness, peacefulness and happiness instead.

"Very well, but if you would like we could give you an ultrasound at the hospital" it takes a little time for me to fully understand what she offered, but then Tobias glares at me and we both say 'yes' at the same time.

Amity members have built the big, city hospital, which we're going to now. Johanna doesn't come with us therefore I'm happy that I've been there before. The hospital isn't easy to miss, since it's probably one of the biggest buildings in the city.

"I think it's the 9th floor," I say, glaring over at Tobias.

"Okay," his tone is different, so it takes me a while to find out how he's feeling.

"You're nervous," I gasp dramatically, teasing him and he begins to smile also through his blue eyes.

"Aren't you?" he asks while analyzing me.

"A little," when a grin shows up on my mouth, he grins back with that boyish smile, which makes him look a lot younger.

_Of course I'm nervous. This is my child I'm about to see: who will he or she look like? Nearly the most important question is about to be answered: have I done something wrong? And if so is it too late to change it?_

We're met by two fairly young nurses from Abnegation, wearing uniforms with gray armbands. They present themselves as Tina and Kate. Even though they seem nice, I hesitate a little with laying down on the examination couch, when they tell me to. I don't know why it's in my nature to be suspicious of people, but then again, the most logical explanation would be all my bad experiences with humans: like when Al betrayed me, trying to throw me in the chasm alongside Peter and Drew. Just the thought of the event drains a bit of excitement from my body.

Tina presses a bit on my stomach to find out where the baby is. She explains everything carefully while she puts some sort of gel on the area (did I mention the torture I was under in the waiting room? The doctor out there made me chuck three water bottles in 15 minutes. Apparently you have to have a very full bladder for the scan) and when she lastly places the scanner on the gel, we hear the clear, throbbing sound of a heartbeat. Tobias looks happily surprised at me from my side while smiling. How real it suddenly is makes me tear up, and for a while, I'm too absorbed by the heartwarming sound that I don't look at the baby on the screen to my left.

"Oh my God," I say smiling through the tears of happiness in my eyes.

"He is so beautiful," Kate tells me. The news are stunning: it's a boy, our son. I turn my head to the right so I can see Tobias: his smile is so big that I wonder how if it hurts his lips slightly. Kate continues after sending us a smile too, telling us where his nose, feet and hands are, and soon it's obvious how much he looks like Tobias, even though the image could be better.

"He's a little small," Tina says, "from six months, you should be putting on one pound a week to make sure that he's a healthy weight." She asks me how much I've put on the past month, and I guess about 3 pounds at the highest. The somewhat concerned look she gives me afterwards tells me that's far from enough, which I can also see myself now that I have new information. I feel guilty, very guilty. It doesn't help when she tells me the dangers of having an infant, who's underweight, but I understand that it's a necessary wakeup call for me.

"We would recommend you to keep taking your pre-natal vitamins, eat lots of protein, drink more, cut out hard physical training and sleep more. That should help him," when she tells me that, I realize how many changes I need to make for him to be as healthy as possible. I can't help but to feel a little stupid.

This ultrasound was really the best thing that has happened in my life for a year. Just seeing my son is a wonderful gift. The sound of his heartbeat, made me see that there's actually a living human inside of me, and that it needs to be protected.

_I love him already. My mini-Tobias. _

We leave the hospital with happiness running so fast through our veins that we don't stop smiling, not even when we're sitting on the train again. I carry the pictures, which I can't stop looking at. Tobias kisses me, showing he's at least as touched as I am.

_I need to make him happy: give him a wonderful life._

_He needs to grow up in a safe world._

**_Hope you enjoyed. _**


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